Why Learning Salsa Is the Most Powerful Mirror for Your Relationship
It’s often said that relationships are a mirror because they reflect our own flaws and blind spots straight back at us.
That what attracts us most in our partner what we feel we most lack in ourselves.
Or that the things we are most triggered by are the things we judge ourselves most harshly on – OR secretly covet for ourselves.
I think there is a fair bit of truth to this.
But what I’ve ALSO noticed when teaching Salsa to couples is that dance is a mirror for the relationship.
And it can be very revealing.
It will show how you both handle stress, and if you actually even trust each other.
It will show how well you collaborate and work together, and if one or both partners have a tendency to be overly critical or obstructive.
It will show how comfortable you are with the discomfort of growth, and how attuned you are to each other’s feelings.
The trouble is that you usually can’t see this stuff from INSIDE the relationship.
You’re too close to the patterns to see how they repeat themselves.
Too ingrained in the current behaviours to know how to break out of them.
Too invested in whatever role you’re currently playing to be capable of reinventing it.
But let me be clear – this is NOT about judgement or blame.
The reason my programmes are so powerful is precisely because we’re NOT dissecting or discussing or dramatising the underlying dynamics.
Because we’re NOT making either one of you “wrong” or setting up for conflict.
You’ve probably already discovered that talking about what’s not working in a relationship will often make things worse – as soon as one partner feels blinded by the spotlight of blame, the defences go up.
They emotionally switch off and shut down.
So I’m not in the business of calling out, pointing the finger, taking sides, or telling anyone to be, or do “better”, or give relationship advice.
And I’m not telling anyone to “change their ways”.
The old patterns can’t be discarded until you have new, shiny ones to replace them with.
Fun, exciting ones that spark joy, and put a fire in your belly.
And these don’t emerge through raking over old ground or opening old wounds.
New patterns are the result of new experiences, new skills, and new ways of engaging with each other which break the old habitual ones.
But these have to be built from the ground up.
Created together.
Collaborated on.
Committed to.
The dance mirror doesn’t ONLY reflect the “ugly”, you see.
It will also remind you why you fell in love, and why you’re great together.
What you’ve already been through together, and what good times lie ahead.
And you deserve many more of those, don’t you?