Connection Myths

I don’t believe connection is at all mysterious, or a dark art, or something that happens randomly like a lightning strike.

I also don’t believe it just automatically happens as you learn moves and progress through advancing levels of Salsa class, although some dancers do it more naturally and intuitively than others.

I believe it can be enjoyed by all dancers of all levels when the right conditions are created. After all, connection is simply sharing the joy of moving to music with another human being.

Salsa is a System and a Language

But Salsa has a specific language of connection, a standard vocabulary of basic moves, and most importantly a leader and a follower.

For the lead this means putting the ego to one side and taking responsibility for creating a beautiful and unique shared experience in every dance.

For the follower it means trusting the lead to do his job and not taking over. Why not become a better follower rather than blaming the leads for everything that goes wrong?

For both it means looking beyond your current level and realising there is always room to learn, grow and improve.

Above all, connection starts with an open heart and an open mind – and having an attitude of genuine acceptance and care for everyone you dance with.

Showing Up, Not Showing Off

So a big part of connection is showing up not just for ourselves, but for each and every partner we have the privilege of dancing with ot any given event.

Unfortunately there are some conditions we unwittingly create which interfere with our ability to create and maintain connection. 

Some of these are technical – it is important to understand the mechanics of how a physical connection is maintained during complex turn patterns with fast, frequent hand changes.

This is something which followers are sometimes oblivious to, as they are not directly orchestrating this, however they need to know how to reciprocate what is given by the lead and respond correctly, and this is often overlooked by teachers.

What Makes A Great Social Dance?

Have you ever wondered what makes a social dance truly magical and memorable?

Is it the moves?

The music?

The partner?

The atmosphere?

It’s probably all of the above in some measure.

They all contribute to the overall experience we have.

But even when those things are all great, even with our favourite partners and our favourite song, we can still have those odd dances which don’t quite “gel”.

Now I’m not saying that every dance should be, or could be a blow-your-socks-off experience.

That would be impossible and one of the primary ways we can ruin connection is by going into a dance with too many expectations, or too many fixed ideas about what “should” happen.

However from my own experience it’s rare for those amazing dances where all the planets align to happen on those occasions when we are feeling a bit “meh” or our energy is off.

Or if something in a dancer’s technique is dysfunctional and therefore distracting.

What’s Your Definition Of Fun?

In Salsa I think there is a bit of an assumption that as long as you know a few moves, everything else will automatically fall into place.

And that as long as you’re moving to music “it’s all fun”. And that’s true to an extent. 

But I have had my share of dances which actually weren’t much fun – and from what I hear the types of experiences I’ve listed below aren’t that rare:.

It’s no fun being thrown, pushed, pulled or dragged through the moves as a follower.

Being thrown off-time into a backwards neck drop by a near-beginner or coming off the dance floor with bruises on your upper arm where you’ve been grabbed or man-handled.

Or an assumption made about how close you like to dance, or that you like or even know how to do certain dips, tricks or lifts…many of which have no place on the social floor anyway.

And as a lead it’s no fun when followers lead themselves or won’t reciprocate the connection you offer because they don’t know how.

Or when they launch themselves into a move you haven’t actually led.

Or you nearly get decapitated by arm styling or a black eye from the classic flying elbow. Or when a more advanced follower gives you a bored look and clearly can’t wait for the dance to end. 

Yes – poor connection is DANGEROUS and a major cause of dance floor accidents.

All the above scenarios could be mitigated or avoided entirely through better connection.

So I believe connection is a technique in its own right.

Therefore it is something which can be broken down, explained, demonstrated and practiced in a way that anyone can learn.

And it’s something we must all take responsibility for and actively work on.

Are You Making Or Breaking Connection?

Connection exists on multiple levels, and every second of every dance we make conscious and unconscious choices which can enhance connection or sever it entirely.

The very act of thinking too consciously about what we are doing can disconnect us from our partner. Like the guys who are staring into space, racking their brains to remember their next move, or the ladies who are styling to within an inch of their lives.

Or the dancers who grip onto their partners hand for dear life – sure this creates a VERY strong physical connection, but the level of discomfort for the other partner is annoying and distracting.

Or the guy who is so busy showing off his leading prowess with complex turn patterns that he is oblivious to the follower struggling to keep up and not really enjoying dancing with him.

Or the follower who is so busy preening and posturing for admirers on the side of the dance floor that she forgets to follow.

This is not to say that we shouldn’t bring our awesomeness to our social dances – of course we should – but what if our primary goal was to create an amazing shared experience, rather than to blind everyone with our brilliance?

This doesn’t have to be an either/or scenario.

Knowing when and how to give your partner full focus and room to express themselves is an integral component of social dance skill.

And when you both have room to express yourselves as individuals whilst still being equal collaborators, reflecting the energy and vibe back and forth between you, it’s a feeling unlike any other.

What Leaders Should Know

Many guys think that the moves have to be “difficult” or “complicated” for a dance to be good.

The truth is that the more complex the turn patterns are, the more funky hand changes and the faster the music, the more opportunities there are for the physical connection to be lost.

And this is where trickier combinations can fall apart at the seams.

Trying to lead complicated content without first establishing connection and rapport will often lead to missed leads and scrappy dances, even if you dance with that partner a lot.